My Love-Hate Relationship with Running

“I love running.

No wait, this is awful.

I feel so free and alive.

But I can’t breathe and my feet hurt.

Look a cute dog! And the leaves are changing! Nature!

How much longer?”

This is how I feel on every single run. And, honestly, I feel guilty that I’m so conflicted. Aren’t “real runners” supposed to love running all the time? Wouldn’t a “real runner” complete more mileage or run faster than I do?

There’s a great article on Runners World right now called “You Know You're a Runner When…” by Marc Parent. It’s awesome and I hope you go read it right this second. Especially if you struggle with the same things I struggle with.

You see, I have been running and training for races pretty much continuously since college. I’ve completed a handful of half marathons, and numerous 5ks, even one full marathon (it was brutal), but I recently had just been feeling burnt out on running. I wasn’t enjoying it that much anymore and, since I knew I was going to have a pretty busy summer with traveling and whatnot, I figured I would just take a break during the hottest part of the year and stop running altogether. I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.

Marine Corps Marathon 2011. That's me in the purple with the thumbs-up.
I'm still smiling which means this is before mile 20.

So I stopped. I ran my last race in June and knew that it would be my last for a while. And there was a big part of me that worried that I might really enjoy not running and never run again. I was worried that all the years that I had been calling myself a runner might have been a lie and that running might not be as important to me as I claim it is.

I forced myself to not run for two whole months, even though there were definitely days when I wanted to go. I really wanted to see if I could make myself give up the habit. Lo and behold, I can’t. I tried and I can’t. And it feels really good to say that.

I may not find every run utterly enjoyable, but I keep coming back to running anyway. Running as nursed me through break-ups, cross-country moves, work-related stress, and lots of other things. It gets me outside, keeps me fit, and let’s me see parts of my city that I wouldn’t see otherwise. On rare occasions, it can even coax me out of bed and into freezing temperatures just because of how peaceful the trail is in the early morning (I’m NOT a morning person, so this must be love). I’m definitely not the fastest nor do I run the farthest—let’s be honest, I’m super slow and feel accomplished if I run 10 miles a week—but I’m a runner. Just like Parent’s article says, running makes you a runner. Period.

After my first half, the American River Parkway Half Marathon, in 2010.

So get out there and go for a run! Or do whatever it is that you do—cycling, kickball, golf, rollerblading—they’re all good. The key to staying active is finding something that you love doing so much that it doesn’t seem like a workout. For me, that’s running. What is it for you?